A Reflective Tale of Happy Motherhood

The boys are in bed. Finally. It has been a long day. A tiring day. A stressful day. A busy day. School is winding down, but my brain is still working overtime. I think about all that needs to be done yet this year. All that needs to be done next year. All that could be done better. My thoughts are scattered as I consider new ideas. Old paths. New avenues. Comforting routines. Conversations with friends.

As I wearily prepare for bed, something catches my eye on my shirt. There, on my right shoulder lies a big smeary "booger", for lack of a better word. Uncontrollable laughter wells up. Then the hilarity that is my life erupts. For how long, exactly, have I been wearing this unsolicited snot that is NOT my own?? As the guffaws echo through the bathroom, my poor husband cautiously peers around the corner. He knows, from experience, that his wife is often a little off her rocker, but what has inspired this outburst?? To his credit, he also sees the humor of proudly worn boogers and we laugh together.

Then, in a moment of clarity, a nugget of wisdom falls into my lap.

Herein, lies happy motherhood.

Sometime, during this crazy day, I was overcome by a happy, loving boy throwing himself into my arms, head buried deep in my shoulder. "I love your hugs, Mommy!" "I love you, Mommy!" "Mommy, your hugs are the best!"

Then it hits you. In the head. On the chest. In the heart. 

Despite my many failings as mother, teacher, wife and friend, somehow, my children still love me. There is the disorganized house. The frazzled mother. The weary teacher. The grumpy cook. And yet, there is love. Unconditional and selfless love. I am showered regularly with hugs and kisses given with exuberant wild abandon, by boys not yet shy about showing affection. Ah.... this is what matters!

Hugs. Smiles. Kisses. Time. Laughter. Tears. Joy. Christ.

All that truly matters in this life can be summed up in these 8 words.

The last couple of days I have been meditating on this scripture.

"However, as it is written:

'What no eye has seen,

what no ear has heard,

and what no human mind has conceived

the things God has prepared for those that love Him.'"

~1 Corinthians 2:19

These 8 things, these really important things, have been given to us here on Earth as a "taste" of what is yet to come. And I am grateful. And thankful. Yes, even for boogers. 

This morning after I awoke, ready for another unpredictable day of mothering, I slipped back into the shirt I was wearing yesterday. The one with the smear of "love". Yeah, I know. That's disgusting! But as I go through my morning, I am reminded of how it got there.

It means I am loved.

It means I am treasured.

It is a little taste of heaven!

Yes. Yes he IS mine.

I know this is supposed to be a blog about homeschooling, but I couldn't help posting my thoughts about a recent article/blog I read on the topic of adoption. The blog was entitled "10 Things You Shouldn't Say to an Adoptive Mother". Or something like that. The more I read another mom's compilation of stupid things people say, the madder I got. So, in righteous indignation, I've set about creating my own list of things I either have heard and hope to never hear again or things I had better not ever hear. In no particular order of idiocy or cruelty.... here is my personal list.

1. "Is he yours?" Asked with a quizzical quirk of the left eyebrow.

If you have to ask me that, then it truly is none of your business. I SO often forget that T has a different skin color that I have been known to stare dumbly at the idiot asking. I don't understand the question. Then I remember. Oh yes, that's right! In the world's eyes, we don't "match". Not sure how it is any of your business, but yes, yes he is mine. At which point I grit my teeth and walk away. At first, I felt compelled to offer a perfect stranger our adoption story, but that impulse has long gone and I frequently stare intently at the person until they feel ashamed and I smile and walk away.

2. "How much did he cost?" Asked with a surety that we must be very wealthy indeed.

Seriously? Well, sir, when I picked him up at the factory, there was a sale going on, so we got a real bargain. This question truly is no one's business. So unless I offer this information on adoption costs myself, please do not ask.

3. "He is very lucky to have you." Stated with pompous righteousness.

Actually, it is the opposite. He would most certainly be doing fine if his birthmother had chosen another loving family. We, on the other hand, would be at a significant loss and bereavement without him. He completes us.

4. "Why did his birthmother give him up?"

I can't even begin to address the anger that goes along with this statement. Once again, unless I am offering details, our story is none of your business. Also, she didn't "give him up". She decided that she loved him so much that she wanted him to have things in life that she couldn't offer. And before you ask, those "things" are not anything you need to concern yourself with. Thanks so much for asking. She made a totally unselfish and difficult decision. She chose to gift him with her ultimate sacrifice. Letting him call another woman "mom". Oh, and by the way, "she" has a name. Please honor her gift  to us by calling her by her name. She deserves that honor. And yes, I'd be happy to share her name with you.

5. "Do you plan to tell him he's adopted?"

Again, how is this your business? Also, in our case, have you actually looked at T? It is quite obvious that he was not created in my womb. That does not mean he was not created in my heart though. Simply ignorant people feel the need to pry this far.

6. "Why did you agree to stay in contact with his birthmother. Isn't that scary?"

Simply put? No. I do realize that someone selfish and without self confidence would feel threatened by contact with a birthmother. But as I said before, we owe her a debt we can never repay. Why is it so hard to fathom that we love her, think about her, worry about her, pray for her, remember her birthday and otherwise honor her?

7. "Is it difficult having a black child in your family?"

Technically their are 4 different skin colors in our family. T is Brown. My husband is tan. I am taupe and R is ivory. Only a racist would ask that question, which apparently you are. Since I have very strong feelings about racism, you may want to back away slowly.

8. "Have you heard from his mother lately?" This is always asked by the most well-meaning people on the planet.

This is quite possibly the most hurtful thing you could ever say to me. I am his mother. Me. The person whom you are looking at. At first I shrugged off this slip-up and overlooked the cruelty. But recently I decided that I would no longer tolerate such an insult. Someone did have the decency to ask me recently, what I preferred to call his birthmother when they asked about her. I said, "you may call her by name or refer to her as his birthmother. Please do not call her his mother." While I have immense love and respect for her, it is I who tends his boo boos, makes his birthday cakes, sings him his night-night song and reads him countless boring Thomas the Tank Engine stories. I changed his diapers, potty trained him, taught his about Jesus and bathed him. I am the one who wipes his tears, tells him he is the bestest T in the whole world, gives him "blanket hugs" and tucks him in. It is I who prays over him, nurses him when he is sick and loves every little thing about him. I am his mother.

There you have it. My own list of things I have heard in reference to our second miracle child. A child God saw fit to bless us with. A child not born of my womb but born in my heart. This child is mine and will forever be.